Hard Lessons In Love

 And just like that, snaps her fingers, everything changed. The man you fell in love with when you were 15 years old, the magnetic energy that always brought the two of you back together over the years until one day when you were 28 yrs old, brought you together again and sparked a fire that you both felt, was gone. It didn't just happen over night. It slowly got torn away with each fight, with each yelled word, with each horrible name called, with each time she found messages about his affairs or drug use, with each slap across the face, ruined holidays, birthdays or any special occasions. Stripped down to nothing. Feeling numb. You see, she stayed because it wasn't just about her and him. No, she stayed because of their children. She thought her love would be enough to have him change. To make him realize that their children and her were always enough for him, but sometimes it doesn't matter how hard or how much you love someone. Sometimes you just have to let go of the person you thought they were.

So many feelings went through her mind. Fear, shame, guilt, heartache, anger, sadness, terrified along with strength and this feeling deep down in her gut that she knew she was doing the right thing. For herself; for her children. See what she didn't realize since she was isolated from most of her friends and family over the years was that even though most "left" and were out of the picture, they were always there, waiting and hoping one day they would be able to be there for her again. Sometimes it's just easier to remove yourself from a negative situation than to constantly witness it and have to bite your tongue to not say anything to him. She understood. She got use to biting her tongue than to hear/feel the rath of him coming at her. And each time, it got worse and worse. Each time the pain cut deeper and deeper into her.

Regrets are lessons in life. You can either learn from the lesson and move forward doing what you can to better yourself and the situation, or continue to go around and around like you're on a merry go round, expecting things to magically change. Get off the fucking merry go round! Things do not change unless you, yourself, do something about it. Small changes, doesn't matter, will move you in the direction that you were meant to be in life. Taking the first step is always the hardest. It's never the right time. You will doubt yourself. Keep going; have faith and give yourself a little grace. In time, everything will fall back into place and the beautifully broken you will be put back together again the way YOU want it!! Trust in yourself!!!