Prince Charming Doesn’t Exist

 The man that I thought I married doesn't exist. I accepted that a long time ago. After the "honeymoon" phase passed and the real life shit happened-lay offs, birth of our first daughter-the monster started emerging its ugly head. Maybe the monster was always there, who am I kidding, it was. I was just fooled by the picture perfect image he portrayed of the loving, devoted husband who gave a shit about me, our family, but really deep down inside, he was only doing everything he could for himself!

The gaslighting, name calling, non supportive nature, but expecting all the support in the world and if I didn't, then I was ignored and treated like I was the worst wife.
When I would be taking care of our kids, putting them to bed or playing with them when I wasn't working, if he needed help or me to do something it was a ask how high to jump moment or be at the end of his rath for the rest of the day or days depending on his mood.
Every special event, holiday, birthday would be ruined if he wasn't the center of attention or got his way. He would have an adult hissy fit and then it would be a shit show. He made everyone uncomfortable. I stopped going to events with him. I learned to do things with our kids on my own. Water parks while 7 months pregnant with our then almost 2 and 5 yo...shopping for Christmas and birthday presents, but him taking ALL the credit for everything and disregard me and giving no acknowledgement for how hard I would work to make special days special!!
It may sound like I'm still bitter, but in reality I'm still hurt. I'm angry at myself for staying as long as I did; for putting up with far too much because each time I let something slide, I was teaching him it was ok to keep disrespecting me and treating me like I was a door mat. I finally realized that staying was teaching our daughters that this was ok. That how he treated me was what love was and that was a huge eye opener.
When I finally left with our daughter and the clothes on our backs, it was the hardest, most scariest thing I ever did. I think back to everything I lost and it saddens me, but the peace I have now is worth loosing it all! I have my daughters and we are safe, happy and free. There is no more yelling, screaming, name calling, pushing, throwing and breaking things. There is lots of laughter, hugs, dancing and singing and smiles...lots and lots of smiles. I'm showing my daughters how to be strong, independent and fierce and I hope one day they will understand why and forgive me and know they are loved so very much and that they can be the hero in their own story and don't need a Prince Charming to live happily ever after!!

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